Understanding the Stages of Change

Before we step into the first stage of recovery, let’s get something straight:
Recovery is not a light switch.

If you head into recovery thinking you’re simply on or off, then every setback will feel like a failure. Every struggle will feel like evidence you just “aren’t trying hard enough”.

Recovery isn’t simply an on/off switch, it’s a process. It’s a sequence of small internal shifts that unfold long before the visible action shows up. The Stages of Change gives us language for that process, and understanding them can turn shame into clarity, and confusion into direction.

We move through these stages not just in addiction recovery, but in every change we make: the way we set boundaries, heal grief, forgive ourselves, adjust to loss, break unhealthy patterns, or deepen our relationship with God. (Think: New Year’s Resolutions…)

Pre-contemplation is the first stage.
It is the one that looks the most stuck.
And yet, beneath the surface, it carries sacred value.

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What Is the Pre-Contemplation Stage?

Before recovery looks like courage, clarity, or clean days on a calendar, it looks like… nothing at all.

Or at least nothing you’d recognize as the beginning of change.

Pre-contemplation is the stage where people aren’t ready to consider change yet. Not because they’re stubborn or irresponsible, but because they genuinely don’t see a problem. They’re living in a version of reality where the behavior still feels manageable, rewarding, or justified.

It’s the quiet moment on a visable stage… the part of the movie where the audience can see the plot twist coming, but the character can’t.

And in many ways, it mirrors the beginning of the Prodigal Son’s journey, a well-known parable found in Scripture. It starts with a young man believing he’s ready for more life than the one he has. He’s confident, excited, and absolutely sure he knows what he’s doing. To him, leaving home feels like freedom, independence, and self-discovery. Nothing in his mind signals danger or consequence; everything still feels promising.

He doesn’t leave because he thinks his life is falling apart.
He leaves because he thinks it’s about to get better.

The son wasn’t evil, malicious, or intentionally destructive. He simply believed his choices were working. He saw the short-term pleasure, not the long-term cost. Like so many of us, he wasn’t running away as much as he was running toward something he convincingly thought would improve his life. Quite often people don’t initially seek escape. They seek relief, meaning, and a life that feels more bearable.

That’s what pre-contemplation looks like: a stage where life still makes sense to us, even if it’s not sustainable.

Is Pre-Contemplation a Spectrum? (Yes — Absolutely.)

Like many things in life, this stage shows up on a spectrum. People don’t jump from “everything is fine” to “my life is falling apart” in one step. Pre-contemplation has layers, ranging from:

• Complete lack of awareness (“There is no problem.”)
• Mild awareness paired with dismissal (“Maybe it’s a little bad, but definitely not that bad.”)
• Early flickers of realization (“Okay… maybe something is off, but I don’t want to think about it.”)

These layers exist long before someone reaches actual contemplation.

Some people are so early in the stage, they aren’t even aware of the word pre-contemplation because they’re not contemplating anything at all. The behavior is still rewarding and the consequences haven’t landed.

If denial exists anywhere, it lives here, but not as a willful rejection of the truth. Denial is simply self-protection when the truth feels too disruptive to consider.

Real-Life Signs of the Pre-Contemplation Stage

Here are some of the most common ways this stage shows up:

1. “I can stop whenever I want.”

A person drinks every night but says, “I could quit, I just don’t want to.”
➡️ Illusion of control.

2. “It’s not as bad as other people’s use.”

“I don’t drink in the morning, so it’s not a problem.”
➡️ Comparison to avoid internal reflection.

3. “I deserve to relax.”

“This is my only way to unwind.”
➡️ Rationalization that turns a coping mechanism into a necessity.

4. “It’s the only thing that helps me sleep.”

A person truly believes a substance is medically essential.
➡️ Fear-based reliance.

5. “My family is overreacting.”

Concern is reframed as criticism.
➡️ Externalizing responsibility.

6. “Now’s just not the right time.”

Work is busy, life is stressful, change feels impossible.
➡️ Deflection disguised as practicality.

7. “I enjoy it. How can that be dangerous?”

Pleasure becomes the measure of safety.
➡️ Misinterpreting reward as harmlessness.

Every one of these statements is an honest snapshot of where someone is mentally.

The Quiet Work Happening Beneath the Surface

The beautiful, often-overlooked truth is this:
Recovery often begins before we realize anything needs recovering.

Just as the prodigal son’s turning point didn’t begin the moment he “came to himself,” but long before — in his exhaustion, his frustration, the slow unraveling of the illusion of control. People begin shifting internally long before they name it.

That’s why pre-contemplation is still a stage of change, even when it feels spiritually silent.

In this stage, people aren’t praying for deliverance or crying out for help. They’re simply living, coping, managing, and trying to feel okay.

And yet, something is quietly preparing them.
Something is softening the ground.
Something is opening space for light to eventually enter.

Whether a person recognizes it or not, this is often where grace begins its slow work.

Not in the moment they collapse into recovery, but in the moment they first begin to outgrow the life they settled for.

Why This Stage Matters

Pre-contemplation is not a waste of time. It’s not regression. It’s not avoidance.

It is the foundation.

You cannot skip this stage, because it forms the contrast that makes later clarity possible. It gives people the space to learn from experience rather than force. It slowly brings their defenses down and allows the reality of their situation to become visible from the inside out.

Eventually the mind begins to shift.
A thought flickers.
A pattern becomes noticeable.
A moment of discomfort becomes harder to ignore.
Curiosity replaces defensiveness.

And that’s the start of contemplation — where Part Two will pick up.