From Containment to Freedom

When Life Shakes our Foundation

At some point in life, we all come face-to-face with one of the most universal struggles of being human: truly knowing ourselves.  This tension between safety and authenticity plays out in our identity. And while some people might appear to have it figured out early on, there’s always a moment when even they wonder if they’ve only scratched the surface.  Because, despite our best efforts, I believe life eventually dismantles the crafted illusions we’ve built about who we are.

We weren’t meant to know ourselves at first, not fully.  It was always going to involve the journey.

Identity is difficult to define initially, especially when it’s tied to roles.  It’s often absorbed rather than consciously created.  We grow up learning who we think we should be, shaped by our families, culture, and experiences. Through expectations and patterns deemed acceptable by our environment, we attempt to construct a version of ourselves that fits.  And for a while, we believe this version is real.

But this is simply a container.  Necessary, yes, because it provides context, understanding, and protection.  But over time, the container becomes limiting.  We live inside it, convinced it defines us—until something shakes it.

Maybe it’s trauma.  Maybe it’s loss.  Maybe it’s failure stripping away our sense of competence.  Or maybe it’s a transition forcing us to confront what we truly want.  Whatever it is, something begins to crack the foundation of that container, and suddenly, we’re left asking:  Who am I, really?

That’s when the second half of the journey begins.  Not one of building, but of unbuilding.  Not adding more to ourselves, but stripping away what was never truly ours.

Some people avoid this part, staying in the roles they’ve always played because it feels safer than questioning everything.  But others, often through pain or exhaustion, choose to lean in.  They start peeling back the layers, confronting who they thought they were.

And truthfullly this discovery can be jarring, even painful.

It’s disorienting to realize how much of our identity was shaped by subconscious survival mechanisms, such as people-pleasing, performance, or the need for control or validation.  It’s unsettling to see how often we allowed fear to dictate our choices instead of truth.

Yet, this realization is the threshold of freedom.

Because once we strip away the expectations, coping strategies, and narratives no longer serving us, we find something truer.  Something more authentic, and even harmonious.  We reclaim our own voice, our own desires, our own sincerity.  And this is the version of ourselves worth coming home to.

The truest version of ourselves wasn’t lost.  It was waiting.

We were never meant to fully understand ourselves before we were ready.  Our journey is one of transformation, shaping us in ways we couldn’t have predicted.  Like the caterpillar who builds a cocoon before becoming what it was meant to be, we too undergo seasons of containment—times of waiting, growing, and surrendering—before discovering how our true sense of self was always in process of revealing itself to us.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1

Knowing ourselves isn’t about striving or rushing toward an answer.  It’s about allowing.  Trusting.  Becoming.  Sanctification.

And in the end, the truth of who we are was never meant to be discovered alone.  While the world tries to shape us, our true identity has always been held, known, and lovingly crafted by the One who created us: unchanged by expectations, unshaken by circumstances, and waiting for us to come home to it.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” – Jeremiah 1:5

So yes, I believe most people struggle with this.  Some face it sooner, some later, but I truly don’t think anyone is immune.  The brave ones who embrace the journey—who are willing to get lost in order to be found—are the ones who emerge with a deep, unshakable understanding of themselves.

Many parts of our journey are difficult to embrace, and difficult to look at.  But they were necessary.  The dark, messy, uncertain moments were not detours; they were the path.  Every challenge, every heartbreak, every season of doubt played a role in stripping away what wasn’t truly us… revealing the strength, wisdom, and authenticity we were meant to carry forward.

And that is worth the fight. Because in the end, we weren’t just finding ourselves—we were finding our way home.